On the special day of my dad's birthday. One of my favorite songs by Jim Croce dedicated to my father.

If i could save time in a bottle,

the first thing that i'd like to do,

is to save everyday till eternity passes away

just to spend them with you.

If i could make days last forever,

if words could make wishes come true.

I'd save everyday like a treasure and then again i would spend them with you.

But there never seems to be enough time

to do the things you want to do once you find 'em.

I've looked around enough to know

that you're the one i wanna go

through time with

If i had a box just for wishes

and dreams that had never come true,

the box would be empty except for the memory of how they were answered by you.

But there never seems to be enough time

to do the things you want to do once you find 'em.

I've looked around enough to know

that you're the one i wanna go

through time with

The great indian chamcha

Hello and welcome to the society of India. A holy land where its inhabitants are divided into two comprehensive breeds: the “chamcha Indians” or as they prefer it- “chindi-an” and the ever-oiling-hungry “makkhan-indians” or often termed as- “makkhindian”.

Now, the equation is such that a makkhindian is always in need of ‘oiling’ and this breed quenches this thirst of ‘oil’ from various sources. The most loved form: ‘buttering’ which involves superficially elevating the makkhindian to the supreme most levels of perfections for all its actions ranging from its dressing sense to the projectile at which its urine cascades into the toilet commode.  Some makkhindians also prefer ‘jee- hazoori’, where all its ideas and thoughts are incessantly accepted as theorems and diktats of nature.

The “chindian” on the other hand dedicates its entire existence to the eminent satisfaction of the “makkhindian” by providing the above services. Such is the circle of life here. The chindian believes that in order to become a makkhindian one day it must dedicate all its effort to ‘oiling’ another makkhindian.

Historians claim that the earliest forms of ‘oiling’ can be traced back to the Mughal empires but neo-modern researchers claim that the chindian and makkhindian breeds came openly into existence only in the late 17^th century when a foreign parasitic breed called ‘firangus- makkhanas’ injected the country with the virus of ‘oiling’. Sadly, the virus was a ‘trojan’ and has only spread its menace with time in the Indian society. So much so that ‘oiling’ a makkhindian is an art a chindian learns to master right from its birth. And being ‘oiled’ has become the dynastical right of a makkhindian.

Figure 1: A live demonstration of two corporate chindians executing the art of 'buttering' a makkhindian boss.

     Figure 2 displays how the corporate makkhindian controls the rise and fall of a chindian

 

 

Figure 3 shows political makkhindian rendering services from a chindian as its loyal chindian bodyguard stands alert

Graph 1.1 shows the relation between Number of Chamchas and Popularity  

A live example of ‘oiling’:

The Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival is single handedly the best representative of Kolkata’s intimate relationship with the literary world. The Oxford Bookstore should be declared as a heritage site for the deep cultural and literary enchantment that it stands for. Also, the Times of India is the best newspaper ever, others don’t even come close. And, the panel reviewing this blog, you’re the smartest most laureate-est one that ever existed in the history of makkhindians and chindians.

                                                    -     Mohammed Sohail